Do you find yourself stuck in this cycle of defeatism and disappointment, reliving those painful moments of your life and/or career over and over? Well, if you aren’t there now, I want you to save this one somewhere you can find it.
Here is a self-coaching exercise I designed to help you rewrite that unhelpful story and shift your lens to something more encouraging and joyful. (To hear this read on my award-winning podcast, click here.)
Take a few moments and fully realize the unhelpful story you’re telling yourself. Write it all down in third person. Separate yourself from it like you are telling it to someone else using your first name or the pronouns of your choice to describe yourself. So, did she get rejected or hugely disappointed? What does that mean to her? What is she letting this mean? For Merideth, this recent rejection was speaking forward and backward in time, discounting her abilities and achievements.
What is the main character in your story currently letting this rejection mean or what is he/she/they afraid it means?
Spend time writing about this in your journal, or speak your thoughts out loud to a safe and helpful friend, therapist, or coach. Try to make it less personal by not saying me or I.
Zoom out again and focus on the main character of your story.
Write about them. What are they like? What is their creative potential? What do you like about them? Staying in third person, personify the lead in the story, and write down three or five compassion-filled phrases or truths you want your hero/heroine to know.
Now, flip to a new page and write a new story.
Make the ending really, really good. Surprising and outlandish, even fanciful. Even though our main character didn’t get that thing they really wanted, because their schedule was free, they had space to think of that next big idea. Because he didn’t go viral through a Superbowl ad, Ian had space to apply to that amazing music fellowship. It put him in the same city with the girl he would later call his wife.
Be creative and generous, write a new tale as unbelievable as you can, and fill in all the details you are longing to know.
I hope you'll feel slightly lighter after you try these simple and maybe even seemingly silly things. We must find ways to de-personalize these rejections, or we will not survive this brave, creative life.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: it is unsustainable to take everything personally. (This post about this sentiment has gone viral-ish in the last 24 hours, that should tell you something! You aren’t alone.) I hope this writing exercise has helped you feel the creative potential available in your life, even when (or especially when) you feel stuck after a painful disappointment.
Keep going; that’s how you make it.
You make it when you don’t stop creating.
And remember, I’m here cheering you on.
MHE